"Gay in America"...my review

So CNN has taken up this new series project, "Gay in America" where they are supposedly going to do several episodes about, well, being "Gay in America". They started off with what I think was a pretty controversial topic "Gary and Tony Want a Baby" Which was, what I saw as, a very white washed depiction of the "perfect" gay male couple wanting to have a family. Now, perhaps their lives ARE this fucking perfect, but I almost think that CNN went overboard in trying to make them look ultra-good. It appeared they had been together for 20 years and had the perfect relationship....except they both wanted children and as we all know this isn't possible biologically in a same-sex relationship. So one goes to the alternatives, adoption or surrogacy. In this case these two gentlemen chose the latter, and had a baby boy via surrogacy, and then the happily every after ending. Viola'....Bullshit.

Now many people around the interwebz are commenting on videos and reviews about this show in the negative....people from our own LGBT community are dissing this show to death. Hell, this is only the first try at this for CNN - or for any major news network that I know of. I think we need to band together and be proud that CNN has chosen to highlight our community in a series of prime time shows. But no....some are saying they are trying to depict these guys as trying to be "hetero-normative" what ever the hell that is supposed to mean or stand for.

In this world it is up to each individual to find their own paths; to build their own lives and create their own futures. We grow up with basically one version of how things should look; Mom and Dad and 2.5 children, white picket fence and cute little cape house with a dog and 2 cats. And this is supposedly the heterosexual normal for the majority of America. (Yeah, they forget about the projects and the poverty, the suffering and the shame...but that's a whole other blog.)

So, as we each seek out our places in this world, or in this country called America, we are guided only by this one basic version of how things should look. And we are drilled by the religious right about how things should NOT look. I have heard this "trying to be hetero-normative" bullshit line one too many times. Being a Butch lesbian myself, I live my life with a Butch-Femme style. And this also gets the "hetero-normative" slam on most occasions.

I am just trying to live a stable, happy life - like Gary and Tony - except I am not interested so much in the kid factor personally. A fact which could change if my girl decided she just had to have a baby and I didn't want to lose her. This I would have to say would be an area that would have to be open for some serious discussion when that time comes. Hell, I am 48 and not a spring chicken to be chasing after a toddler on a hot summer's day. But back to the point....we all just want to live peacefully in this world and live happily, if possible. Whether that's as a monk in a cave or as a Butch-Femme lesbian couple in the woods of Maine, or any other of the gorgeous states.

Peace, prosperity, happiness and love are all that we are seeking. Sure, we aren't heterosexual...thus we aren't "normal" by the rigid standards of this society to begin with. so how the hell do you get to be labeled "hetero-normative" from that? I am not trying to copy any particular lifestyle. I am living in the way that I feel most comfortable and in a way that I am happiest just being me. I am surviving in a world that hates me for my lifestyle, and I am open, honest and very visible as a Butch in a very hostile world that sees Butches as trying to be "men" --- a view I dispise and disagree with whole heartedly. I am not trying to be, nor do I even WISH to be, a man in any way, shape or form. I am a Butch; a lesbian woman with a more masculine twist to my presentation to the world. Some say I am not enough woman; some say I should be more of a man and those within my own LGBT community shun me for both. I am too "out" for most, "can't you tone it down a bit?" I have heard from the mouths of my lesbian acquaintances. "You should try to be more feminine" I have heard from my family years ago, before they fully understood who I am.

So, Gary and Tony want to have a baby. Big deal. Every human beings gut instinct, as a species, is to procreate -- gay, straight, bisexual or transgender --- most of us have this instinct, it's part of the "human" package we are born into the world carrying. It's part of our DNA, part of our psyche, and part of survival as a species. But for 2 men to want this...that's just appalling to most of society. And why??? Because it must just be impossible for 2 men together to raise a good citizen and turn him loose in this world of bigotry. The child will suffer from ridicule, teasing, torment by his peers and a vast array of other unpleasant things. Like many children from heterosexual relationships....all children must weather some unpleasant things growing up. But I do agree that Gary and Tony's son will probably have to learn to be a strong boy and to take a verbal - and perhaps physical - beating because he has two Dads. Sad, and maybe as he grows up he can educate more people that just having two solid parents is better than having two unstable parents who are constantly on the brink of divorce, alcoholism, drug abuse or physical altercation. There are many children of straight couples in America who suffer far worse than little Bobby will suffer for being the child of a gay couple. I feel for all of them.

So, I think that CNN did a pretty good job...but perhaps they did portray Gary and Tony as the ultimately perfect gay male couple. I think it was well intended. I think they are trying to "be the change" and help people to understand that just because a gay or lesbian couple wants to have children, or has them, that they are trying to be "hetero-normative". They are just trying to be happy, to have a family, to bring more love into the world, and to give life to another human being. Gary and Tony did this thru surrogacy (another controversial blog of the future), but I am a huge fan of adoption. I think that we should open the adoption process to anyone who is stable and who wants to raise a child, regardless of marital status, sexual preference, race, religion or ethnicity. There are so many children waiting for someone to love them, just sitting in orphanages around our own country, and they need us. They need the love of parents who can show them that the world is not such a bad place when you add love and understanding; tolerance and respect. Sure, it's nice to "carry on your bloodline" -- like that's really important in todays' melting pot world --- but it's more important to "carry on the love" and to give homes to these deserving children; to give children to the deserving and desiring parents who want them. Let's start saving some of the souls who are already on the planet. I know that some people will disagree with me on this one, and I don't rightly care. I don't see a need to bring more children into a world the way it is today, when there are children who are already here that need families so very badly.

As for Gary and Tony, congratulations on the healthy baby boy that has now entered your life. Take good care of him, and make him proud and strong. And perhaps you should consider adopting him a baby brother in the future....just my 2 cents!