July...

I have come to a point where I am just sick of the games with my ex-girlfriend. I want a lover who I don’t have to raise and teach, one who knows what she wants and desires in the relationship. It’s been so up and down with this chick; she just can’t makeup her mind and stick to a decision. She taunts me and tortures me and I am just fed up. We’ve been split for like 7 months yet she comes back and professes her love for me and wants to try to work it out. I was skeptical and wary. I gave her the benefit of talking with her about it and after a few days she totally disrespects me and pisses me off. I was told by friends how poison she is to me, how she IS pain and she will always be that way. They are so right and I refuse to keep allowing her to bring that pain and agony into my life. She cost me a really good woman a couple of years ago, and I still kick myself for that. I was happy with that other woman, and I love her to death, but I got stupid with this one and fucked the good thing all up.

So I am purging this toxic woman from my life. I’m dumping the pictures, the notes, the cards, and anything I have in my pocession that reminds me of her. I need her completely out of my life once and for all. No more of this clandestine concact or bullshit. I am letting go of any memorabilia I have from her and putting her out of my life and my mind. It’s a refreshing exercise. She’s put me thru holy hell and back. And she cost me very dearly in the love department. I so wish I could turn back time to 2 years ago and correct what I did, I had the woman of my dreams in my arms and I let her go for this stupid bullshit. It’s not right, and maybe never correctable….but I can still wish. What I wouldn’ t give to just hear from Utah and know she’s happy and all right. The fire in my heart for her has never ceased, and perhaps that’s part of why I couldn’t make it with Kori, she just wasn’t what I wanted or needed. I HAD that and I fucked it up. But I can't keep kickin myself, I gotta just move the fuck on.